WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
