Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
