I puked a lego.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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