okay pat passed out under dana's car
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
