i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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