I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
