Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
