Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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