With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
two words...techno handjob
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
