When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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