the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
