I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
