she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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