you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
