No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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