it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
