When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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