His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
