I wish life had little blips of pornography
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
