She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He passed out mid-signature
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
