I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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