if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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