Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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