her vagine was all disorganized.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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