I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
