I just pynch a tree in the face
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
