I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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