I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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