I think my fart just growled at me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I could fuck to npr.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
