I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need water and some morals
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
