Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
