Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
