i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
