I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
