It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
