I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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