this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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