He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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