so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
