yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
