if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
