Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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