so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
