we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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