are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
