she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
