How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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