I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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