Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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