She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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