I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
