can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
