we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
