So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
