He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
