I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
