Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
