you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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