I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
