She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
