JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
