There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
