Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
