He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
