I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
