Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
