We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
