I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
