Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
