You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
