I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
In America we eat man semen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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