my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
