I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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