I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
